Podcast 164: Reflections and Intentions to Learn and Grow with Bernie Salazar

Rebecca Scritchfield: 0:01

Hey, Bernie, what's going on?

Bernie Salazar: 0:04

Hey, Becca, we are zoomin. We are face timing here and we get to share it with our listeners and viewers now, which is exciting. And it's kind of that time of year, right, Rebecca, we're winding up 2020. And of course, you saw the little head tilt. Because I think as we all know, it's been a very challenging year to say the least. And I want to just take some time to kind of talk about this this past year, check in with you share with you a little bit about how 2020 has gone for me and start talking about 2021.

Rebecca Scritchfield: 0:49

Yeah.

Bernie Salazar: 0:49

That's a good place to kind of take this, I want to start off before I pass it over to you, if I can be a little bit selfish, just by acknowledging the loss that a lot of us may have experienced over this year. I had some loved ones that I lost to COVID. So I don't want to move forward and recap without respectfully acknowledging them and maybe some personal loss that our viewers have experienced, and love you. And we're sorry. And as much as this comes across, you know, we're all in this together, I, I look forward to 2021. But I do want to talk also about 2020. And some of the better moments that came out of it as well. So I wanted to make sure I was prefacing our conversation by saying that because I am going to be digging deep for the good, but it's not without acknowledging the loss.

Rebecca Scritchfield: 2:02

I mean, it's a really important point. It's not like the ball is going to drop, and all of a sudden, there's no COVID like, and there is COVID has impacted me, personally directly. And here's the thing, when it does, you start to become aware of all these other ways. I guess these other sensitivities, right, like things that I thought were concerns weren't as big as the concern, when COVID showed up to close. And then you start to realize, if my people live, and you're literally asking yourself that question if my people live, and I, for my own peace of mind, and function and care, I really try to stay out of the news. in many, many ways. I mean, it's been an election year, we had the murder of George Floyd and what it hopefully is a racism reawakening. And so it also isn't even just COVID. And I try to protect myself that when I catch something, it could be I'm trying to post Oh, when the NASA astronauts that when they relaunched a, it's called Artemis, and we're going to go back to the moon. And they're committing to put a woman on the moon and, and at least half the people that are in this Artemis group are females. And so I was like, Yay. And post that it was one of the three things that Audrey wants to be. And when I go to load it, you know, I'm sorry to announce the passing of my father due to COVID. And it's like, I lose my breath, because of the way that COVID has impacted me directly with health issues. And I pay respects and there's this moment of like, thank goodness, I did not have to write that post yet. And there's this like sensitivity to sharing the things that I do to try to normalize my life like I don't feel bad about it, I need to feel okay. But we also have to remember that so many people are hurting due to illness due to loss of life due to loss of job due to financial constraints and it's it's buried painful. So you started dark, and I'm going to see your dark and go even darker.

Bernie Salazar: 5:06

You know, for me, you have to acknowledge it, and you have to respect it. And you have to talk about it if we're going to start to even imagine what healing can look like from this year. And that's something that I learned just through our journey. And I'm going to definitely apply it to what this last year has dealt the world. You know, and even in those darkest moments, it's knowing that there is light at the end of the tunnel, even if you can't imagine seeing it, there is light. And if you're willing to even believe that it's there and continue moving forward in any way that you know how, whether it's, you know, running, walking, or even crawling, if you're just moving forward, then, you know, I know I'm here to say, I see you, I support you as much as I can, and encourage you to keep going. So, you know, it's not about dark, I think it's just about acknowledging the reality that we've all experienced together. And I think that that's something that's very different, right, because we have had populations, our black and brown communities who have been going through darkness for her ever. But to have this kind of shared by everybody in a way that maybe has allowed us to see the dignity that everybody should be, should be granted is, has been, I think, needed. And I hope that it does bring about healing, you know, you mentioned George Floyd and the countless other brown and black lives that we've lost to just senseless racism. So I'm, I'm hoping that 2021 is an opportunity for us to continue to look in the mirror, right? Because I think that 2020 forced us to look in the mirror and not just look in the mirror after our makeup was done, and after our hair was combed, but to really look in the mirror, and I hope that we continue to look in the mirror and that we start, you know, slowly doing the work that's needed to heal in a way that's not just covering everything back up.

Rebecca Scritchfield: 7:39

Yeah, you know, I would say when we talk about pain and darkness, and the idea of darkness and light, yeah, you don't really know what the light is until you feel darkness. And if you can't feel your pain, I would argue you're not you're not really able to practice body kindness, because you can't connect. You can't connect to what is in your self to what you're feeling in yourself. You can't connect to your emotion. That's for others. Yes. Well, no, no, that's

Bernie Salazar: 8:07

a good point. But early on, you know, I mean, we're talking almost five years ago, one of the first things that I told you was, I just feel nothing, I just feel numb.

Rebecca Scritchfield: 8:16

numb.

Bernie Salazar: 8:16

So you know, there are people out there given not just this year, but even what maybe other people were dealing with before this year where numbness can be consuming and can hinder any type of movement forward or can serve to block even the hope that there's light at the end of the tunnel. And I'm, I'm here to say at least from my own personal journey, that there were many times where I stopped moving forward, stop believing, but I did luckily have the support of friends and family to say listen to just just move a little, just move a little just move a little and and that's why I feel able or at least a little bit better of a place to be able to share with some of our viewers and our listeners that if you just try to scoot a little bit forward that there is going to be some feeling of progress and hopefully, it'll start shining. I said, You know, I would like to talk about some of the good moments that came out of 2020 for me if I could do that.

Rebecca Scritchfield: 9:36

Yeah, definitely. Let's hear it.

Bernie Salazar: 9:38

Yeah 2020 allowed me to spend much needed time with with with my family in a very real way. You know, a lot of it was forced the amount of time right and the way to engage because To spend time in quote unquote, a normal year or, you know, it looks very different from what we experienced. But, you know, my little guy, this was his first year of life. He was born in October of 19. You know, so for the first two or three months, anybody that is familiar with babies, they're pretty much little lumps of clay. I mean, they eat cry, poop sleep. So right when he was starting to show some type of expressions, or interaction or acknowledgement of anything around him, the world got shut down. So I got to, you know, be around him this year, and I call him a little quarantine kid, because, you know, he, he's a, he's lived life literally in Bumble. But at the same time, much like the birth of my daughter, and how that changed me right. And what I mean by changed me guys, if you're not familiar with our podcast is, I was able to be a lot kinder, and more forgiving towards myself. Realizing that no one is born, knowing how to do something, or no one is born perfect, but we are perfectly imperfect. And if you allow, and wonderfully embrace and encourage growth, that miraculous things happen, we go from literally being a lump of clay to, to moving and babbling and talking and interacting and loving and, and all these wonderful things. So when I got to experience was my, my son's first year in a way that I think, gosh, few in history, I'm not talking about myself individually, but you know, that this time period had been able to experience with, with maybe a loved one at that age. Hmm,

Rebecca Scritchfield: 11:58

yeah, that's lovely. And important, important to notice what's good, even, you know, even when the bad stuff is going down. It's, it's not to it's not to pretend like there are no bad things there. But it does help to grow a sense of optimism, a sense of grit and resilience. You know, when that kind of wave is coming, and it's like, oh, my gosh, you know, this is, this is a big one, I don't know, if I can handle this, what we look for in finding the good is some amount of energy and evidence that we can do hard things, that we can handle it, and that it is okay. To have laughter when there's also pain. And, and so yeah, it's very much, you know, for you to be able to look at the bright side of, you know, when there's so much of you can't in the world, you know, travel, you know, go anywhere without a mask, you know, enroll your child in any sort of thing that you might want to, you know just the world is locked down, right?

Bernie Salazar: 13:18

Yeah. I can talked about my one year old, but, you know, my four, soon to be five here in a couple weeks, year old, this was her first year of JK. So yeah, everything that's associated with that, you know, she did have some in class in person time, but that didn't last very long. So, again, her experience is just vastly different from what I can even pretend to kind of relate to and talk her through. So we've been learning about that together. But you know, some positives, I celebrated my 10 year anniversary. My wife, we did absolutely nothing. We did have dinner in and I celebrated my 40th this year, Becca so all right, you know, hence all the gray in the beard here. Um, and again, it's just been, it's been one of those years where, you know, try to grasp for whatever positive it is. And it's, it's, yeah, it's definitely been an experience how but but, but let's talk about you, how's your 2020 I know that you have, you know, body kindness, your practice. I don't know if too many people know this about you. I'm gonna share it with you, if you don't mind. But your husband is on the front line in a very different way from the our medical professionals, but he is, to me, a hero in his own right in the fact that he goes out there and captures the news. He's, he works for a network and is at a lot of the hotspots and the heavy places around the world where things are happening. And that's a big deal. So I know that's something that you may not have shared with people but Hmm, I always think about when I see these stories that are being shared on the news, and who actually is there to report and fill them. So yeah, I mean, how is 2020 been for you?

Rebecca Scritchfield: 15:11

Um, you know, I mean, I would say that there's been, there's been, you know, when the importance of, of presence, so, really being present for my clients and my kids as we're all adjusting and adapting and, and also being present for myself. So is, you know, really to have this mindset of collective well being, I would say that, that's, if I answered what was what was body kindness, like for me in 2020, it was truly this focus toward an aspect it's always been about body kindness about collective well being, but but really putting meaningful action into it. So it could be anything from when you know, all of our family, we're, we're already spread out. And we would always say that we're too busy for this and the other thing, but suddenly, in the pandemic, we were connecting over apps, and sharing piano songs that we were learning or sharing something that we were learning in school. So one of my nieces was Student of the Year in her elementary school, and she's a budding artist and her art submission, one, to be the cover of the yearbook. So you know, there was lots of things happening, that where you could find the good and where, you know, I have to say that well, would we have made these efforts to connect, you know, if it wasn't for this feeling of not being able to connect in real life, and so I do feel grateful for that I feel so grateful for, you know, the opportunity to hold space for for my clients, and, you know, virtually, and the transitions that go there, but there's been a lot of, there's been a lot of difficulty and in people's lives. And so to be able to help them through that has meant a lot to me. And yeah, just to have this ability to see, to really see my role and educating my kids I think, is really powerful as well, and they're, they're at this age where there's this curiosity and how you can teach them about the world really matters. And so, you know, the ways in which, you know, you mentioned my husband, so he, he was covering the protests in Washington, DC, for George Floyd and Black Lives Matter. And, you know, when we had, you know, talk to the kids about it, and they had wanted to go, they came up with ideas for signs. And there were, there were plenty of, you know, peaceful day time, you know, we we will stand in solidarity and, you know, mask up and be present. And that was very, very powerful. And, and, on the one hand, you don't have to make a sign and go in the street. And also, that's not the only thing, you know, that you could do, but just, but just to see that show up, you know, it changed the expectation of, Oh, yeah, my child is in first grade, and they're learning how to do you know, addition? And it's like, actually, you know, as a parent, you teach your kid about the world and culture and society, and what does it mean to be a good human? And, you know, like, you know, what does it mean to stand for things? And what are the values in our family. And so, it really opened me up, I think, in really meaningful and powerful ways. And I guess if I had to add one more, you know, practical type of thing, but that there was this space, in some ways to work on something that I really care deeply about. It's now this online virtual program, and it's called self care for diabetes. And it had kind of been on hiatus for the better part of a year, pre COVID. And, you know, long story short, I was running these live groups with another dietitian, Glenys Oyston. And she, she and I wanted to take these groups into a virtual format, and just always seem, you know, too busy and everything like that. And when we had reconnected and said, Look, we want to get this up by the end of the year. And so we were recording, scripting and recording and doing edits, and just all the things that you need to do to get a program up, and we're really proud of it because with diabetes, they, they always recommend weight loss. There's so much shame. And we saw that in our separate practices. And when we were running groups, people really value the idea of group support, but it's also hard to do live groups. You can't really be global and you're kind of limited in what You can offer and so we really have an awesome program. That's not just learning on your own time, but you can join an online community, and you also get to do group chats with us. So I'll make sure I include the link for that in the show notes. But this is something that we're really, we really just launched like, a few weeks ago, we're literally having our live, you know, first live group chat, even in December. So this is something that I will plan to talk more and more about, you know, to anyone who's interested, really, and of course, it is open, if anyone wants to join, that's called SelfCare4Diabetes.com.

Bernie Salazar: 20:39

Well, congratulations on that, because I do remember you talking about it for a long time. And, you know, as someone who does not have diabetes, you know, I've had my own lived experiences with those in the medical fields. And of course, you know, a lot of my check ins have always been like, Well, you know, what are you doing about the weight and, you know, before anything, right, and when you just said that, like one of the things that they always talk about first is like, a patient's especially somebody living with diabetes, their weight. And, you know, again, to me that just, I don't even think about that aspect of it. So I definitely encourage anybody that's looking to learn more about it, or living with diabetes, you know, and would love to kind of be a part of that group to go ahead and check it out. Gosh, so back to 2021. Right, and what can we can we can we can we go there for a minute. Can we add we dare to dream? What what's 21 2021 Well, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, before we go into 2021 we have another a couple of special events. Of course the holidays, you know, we're all going to obviously do those different and hopefully we're all staying as safe as possible. for ourselves and for others, but you got a birthday coming up. Tell me about how that's gonna look. I told you about my birthday. So tell me about that. What's What's going on?

Rebecca Scritchfield: 22:11

Yeah, I have no idea how old I'll be Nothing. Absolutely nothing. It's six. It's always six days before Christmas. It's usually nothing. So um, you know, hey, it's a Saturday this year as if the day.

Bernie Salazar: 22:24

Mine was too.

Rebecca Scritchfield: 22:27

Oh, you had a 40 on a Saturday in COVID?

Bernie Salazar: 22:30

Yeah, yeah. Oh, what? Oh, it's memorable. Yeah. memorable.

Rebecca Scritchfield: 22:33

There you go there.

Bernie Salazar: 22:34

Yeah. I mean, are you gonna, you know, just throw a birthday party with the girls.

Rebecca Scritchfield: 22:39

And you know, the girls are they're gonna do something they want to surprise me. And and yeah. So So yeah, it'll be great. It You know, I'm look happy to be alive and happy to be close to people. And yeah, so I'm very much looking forward to celebrating my birthday and eat my kids. Yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy foods.

Bernie Salazar: 23:05

Good. And then, um, 2021. I mean, what what are you thinking? What are you hoping? Like what's up.

Rebecca Scritchfield: 23:13

Yeah, well, you know, I think in that the idea of being able to be there. You know, I rarely rarely rarely do live groups. And it's not because I don't love it. I'd mentioned the live groups with Glenys, that was a couple years ago. And so I did not offer any body kindness groups because I was doing the diabetes groups with Glenys. And then this year, just I don't know, there was so much transition and adapting that I just focused on personal clients focused on getting self care for diabetes going. And what I realized is ever since September, I think that's been this window where from March to September, people were getting by getting by getting by and it was difficult. But there was something specific about the fall and coming into the winter. The election, not yet having news of a vaccine. The problems were getting pretty, pretty severe and significantly worse, with clients. And it made me think about the new year. And it made me think about that people probably needed to connect and needed some sense of hope. And, you know, interestingly, for the first time ever, like I didn't have this, oh yeah, those diet ads and blah, blah, blah, and I know they're going to be there and they're going to be like it's a lifestyle. And you know, I'm sure there's even going to be some like co opting of COVID and diet and weight loss culture. But it's like, I just for whatever reason, in my mind, I'm like, I just don't care about that. I care about being there for People who want to reflect, who want to share stories, who want to ask me for emotional support, who want to support each other, who want to, you know, do some meditations who want. Yeah, this is self care support, emotional support, body kind of support. So I'm going to do a group and it's going to start January 9, and it's going to be for 12 weeks. Yeah, I'm super excited about it. It's it is, it's there's going to be live calls, there's going to be a Facebook group unlimited email support, it's going to be awesome in that it's going to be all about body kindness. If you are just getting new to it and haven't read the book, you are welcome. There's no pretest. And if you've read the book five times, and you're wondering, is there going to be something different and new here? For me? The answer is yes. Because there is going to be self reflection assessments, journaling prompts, guided meditation, group work, breakout chats, all kinds of really interesting and supportive, ways of being being together. And really allowing some time in space to like, narrow the focus of what you want to work on, and learn and grow together and heal. And and, and I really think January is the time, there's still going to be COVID, there's the vaccine, we're still hearing about that plan, and the inauguration will be there when we're meeting and it you know, my husband is going to be working the inauguration. And so, you know, yeah, I don't know, there's, I just think that there's going to be a lot of change happening in the United States. And I think, you know, the world too, you know, as we watch vaccinations happen, and I think we're all wondering, when are we going to get back to normal? And what is normal even? And so, there's so much to even question. And so, if it's a good time for listeners, I really, really hope it I don't, it doesn't bother me what your concerns are, you know, I should say, It's okay, if you still want to lose weight, but by by no means is this at all, any kind of a weight loss program or challenge, I will help you put it on the backburner, I'll help you deal with those competing parts that don't really know what you want in the group and privately as well. But you know, I just I, if you're feeling called, there's a quiet voice, and you'd all that feeling called to work with me and you're open to the fact that others would be there to and that they can actually help you, you should definitely do the group.

Bernie Salazar: 27:49

So yeah, for me, you know, along my journey, it's always been those moments where I've been able to connect with, with people, and then with people who are, are, or have lived a very similar or shared experience, that had been the most impactful. You know, for me moving forward, I did take away personally quite a bit from 2020, I think that me really stepping into my voice really occurred in 2020 and 2021, hearing just a lot of the amazing interviews from the body kindness podcast, having been able to be a part of some of those interviews with people that are on the front lines of fashion, fat activism, and that are really fighting. For people in larger bodies, that's something that I know I want to step into in 2021

Rebecca Scritchfield: 27:49

Mm hmm.

Bernie Salazar: 27:49

For me, it's, you know, I finally feel like I'm in a safe place and a place where I, I care for myself in a way that I never really have. And I want to make sure that I'm doing my part to also create safe spaces for other individuals who are living in those larger bodies who maybe aren't where I am right now, so that, you know, we can I set a safe space for them to step into themselves and learn to love themselves in a way that they're deserving of. So, for me, that's definitely something that I want to make sure that I'm doing in 2021. You know, I, I, I say this quite a bit. And I, I laughed just because I I love the thought of this right, but it's also making space for, for those little fat kids out there that I was, you know, so that they're not bullied or, you know, or, or made to feel inferior in a way that society kind of does to people who don't have that, quote unquote, ideal body, you know, so for me, I love how far we've come or how far we've come knowing that we have a tremendous amount more work to do. But I do love the fact that we're at least now talking about, you know, what it means to accept bodies for, for what they are and what they do for each of us. So, that's definitely what I look forward to in 2021. And I think that, you know, 2020 really forced a lot of us to look in the mirror, and, and ask ourselves, what the heck are we doing, that's gonna have a positive impact on the world that's going to leave the world a better place. And, you know, I have my other projects and another business that I've shared on our podcast, which I'd be happy to talk more about in future videos or podcasts. But along with what I'm doing there, I definitely want to make sure that I'm, I'm stepping up for everybody living in beautifully different bodies.

Rebecca Scritchfield: 30:51

Mm hmm. Yeah, I'm so glad to hear you say that. Because I've, I've always believed in your beautiful story and your beautiful power to make a difference. And I'm, you know, we've had many conversations about what you could do around that.

Bernie Salazar: 31:12

Yeah, I appreciate that. But, you know, again, like, when you have spent a lifetime being beat up, or something that, you know, is so superficial and out of your control, especially as a young child, person, and adults, like, you know, the last thing that you are able to admit to yourself is that you're, you have a story that's worthy or worth sharing, or that you could potentially advocate for others. Because you're, you know, you've lived your whole life just trying to protect yourself. And it's, you know, I say this now, to our viewers, and to our listeners of the podcast, like, you know, this is five years in the making of me just trying to come to terms with how I feel about myself and, and self acceptance and let alone being kind, it's just, the first step was just being able to look at myself in the mirror, not literally feel at times disgusted. You know, um, so, you know, 2021 is one of those years where it's like, no, I, I really am feeling myself. And I want to make sure that other people at least know that they have allies and advocates out there that are going to help to at least bring about a dialogue that hopefully leads to a safe space for more people to do the work. However, that looks for them, that they feel they want or need to do.

Rebecca Scritchfield: 32:39

Mm hmm. Well, you've worked really hard to get where you're at today, you know, emotionally and self care wise, and I'm, you know, I'm just in awe of, you know, all the different things that you do, and, and the gifts that you give to the world,

Bernie Salazar: 32:57

I appreciate that, you know, you've really allowed me to grow in that way. And, uh, you know, given me a voice through the podcast, and just access to really great people, like, I mean, and what's so awesome about what we do. And what I'm really excited about is the fact that there's so many great people at the end, this podcast on the other side, you know, that are listening and viewing that, you know, your stories mattered, just as much as mine. And I would love to hear more of those in 2021, if you're open to it, when you're comfortable sharing, I definitely want to hear more about them. And, you know, going back to what you talked about, about forming a group and, you know, being able to really have dialogue that starts that process is so important for me, realizing that I wasn't alone, was sadly comforting. When I say sadly, it just, you know, realize how many people, you know, have been made to feel this way. Mm hmm. You know, I was first able to acknowledge the fact that I, I, there was nothing wrong with me. And, but it took a while to get there and to realize, again that, you know, there's other people that want to start caring for themselves in a way that they need to is, is so helpful. So, again, you know, I'm excited for what 2021 looks like, and I invite everybody to join us. Yeah.

Rebecca Scritchfield: 34:26

Yeah. And I'm feeling I'm feeling hopeful for the vaccine. And you know, that, that there is I do believe that there will be an end to the pandemic and, you know, it could be later in the year before there's herd immunity, you know, but people have been working hard since day one, and this vaccine track has been the fastest in human history. And that's something you know. So, and again, we started out talking about how COVID is one sliver of, of where we're at, in our global, you know, community. You know, and and yeah, so I feel hopeful for humankind, I feel hopeful that in the space where we are, you know, which I would if I were to take a sliver of it, I would say it's mental health, physical health, health care, well being, you know, you know, and then there's that sliver of, well, this is what's dominant and diet, culture and everything like that, I think, I think that what we, what we're trying to do together is make the world a better place, a more inclusive place, a more loving, kind, accepting place. And we do that in the work in ourselves and in our families, and in the work in our communities. And in this podcast, and then, you know, the the things that we we offer to help people do their own healing work. Because when you do you bring it to every aspect of your life. And so yeah, that that gives us something I think to feel good about, you know?

Bernie Salazar: 36:23

Absolutely. Well, I am so thankful and grateful to all of our listeners over the course of this last year, I look forward to hanging out with you so much more in 2021. And, yeah, please take advantage of the resources that Becca puts out there. That's Rebecca for everybody. You know, and again, please, if you and when you feel comfortable, share some your story with us. And if you have any suggestions for interviews, or topics or things you want to talk about, or, you know, if you want to call us on something, you know, I know me personally, I am constantly learning, exploring this, this process for myself. And, you know, I I welcome that dialogue, because a lot of times, you know, it really forces me to look at things differently. And I end up growing as a result of that I almost feel selfish putting this out there, because I know that I'm usually the one that benefits the most out of out of that type of dialogue as well. So, Rebecca, where can they stay connected with us or get connected with us? Can you share that in show notes? And also?

Rebecca Scritchfield: 37:30

Yeah, definitely, I definitely will. Um, the you know what I would say that, that one of the best places where you can go is www.bodykindnessbook.com/offers, because you'll see self care for diabetes there, you'll see the group that I mentioned on this call there, I'm also running a group for helping professionals in February there's information if you want to do one on one counseling.

Bernie Salazar: 37:54

I love that helping professionals, please we need more allies that are in places that are actually offering these services to be in the know, I just I'm sorry for interjecting, but this is like super big for me because the reach that you all have is significant and important. And I love it when a professional is able to look at themselves and challenge themselves and grow. You have the ability to do so much good. So please get out it.

Rebecca Scritchfield: 38:31

You're the best B. Um, yeah. And then of course, we have all our podcasts in the book. So lots of lots of ways to get engaged, but I'll include some links in the show notes for everyone and wish you a Happy New Year. Bernie and I will see you in in 2021

Bernie Salazar: 38:49

Sounds good. Have a great new years, guys. We'll see you 2021.